1) You put Merlot on your cereal2) Cheetahs have actually mistaken you for their young
3) Your dates are mistaken for your children
4) You receive preferred customer discounts for Botox treatment
5) You hear catcalls when shopping for Depends, and feel flattered
6) You brag about being hit on... by your children's friends
7) Your diet consists primarly of small rodents and birds
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