1. Bob Barker = Walmart Greeter ("Mayonaisse? Aisle 5, $2.37)
2. Bono = Sunglass Hut Franchisee
3. Keanu Reeves = First Successful Personality Transplant Recipient
4. Michael Phelps = SeaWorld Perfomer
5. Paris Hilton = Missionary (of some sort...)
6. Samuel L. Jackson = Lifetime Achievement Award for Most Disgruntled Cop Roles
7. Amy Winehouse = D.A.R.E. Show & Tell Presenter
8. Dick Cheney = Duracell Battery Spokesman
9. Santa Claus = Priest
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