Due to my fish's decision to pursue other opportunities (in the toilet), there is now an opening in his fish bowl. Candidates must possess the following attributes:
1) Leadership - you must be willing to manage the rocks in your tank, as well as inspire the plastic weed to start pulling his own weight.
2) Determination - you must be determined to eat at least four food pellets a day, and occasionally five, depending on my generosity.
3) Service - you must be committed to providing the excellent customer service my clients have come to expect. You must be willing to greet them at the north side of your bowl, and politely blow bubbles in their direction. You must consistently display a cheerful, "can-do" attitude.
4) Knowledge - you must clearly demonstrate the specific knowledge requirements of a fish. You will be expected to develop your own business plan, and execute it in a financially sound manner.
Applications are now being accepted, and relocation expenses are negotiable. Thank you.
